A day in the life...

This is an approximation of a day in Benin. However, everything in this list is true, and occurred over the course of about a week.
4:17 AM- Wake up to impromptu dance party across the street with boombox.
5:05 AM- Wake up to first rooster crow. Roll over.
6:30 AM - Wake up to alarm. Contemplate skipping shower for the first time ever in Africa.
6:40 AM- Get out of bed. Find clothes to wear, pack backback, waste time before shower.
6:55 AM- Inexplicably find myself infront of shower with shower shoes and soap.
6:56 AM- Stare at water.
6:58 AM- Pep talk.
6:59 AM- Enter shower, constantly moving to delay hypothermia.
7:02:30 AM- Shower begins to feel warm.
7:03 AM- Shower over. Search for the dry(er) towel commences.
7:05 AM- Knock toothbrush on sink three times to ensure grub-free brushing. Go to filter to wet brush instead of sink (sometimes).
7:10 AM- Begin getting dressed. Put ‘Catholic Dogtags’ on.
Start putting essential implements in pants-
L Pocket- Phone and wallet*
5+ day supply of Anti-Malarials kept in Wallet*
R Pocket- Keys, Folding Knife and petit monaie in plastic baggie (change is very important here)*
R Belt- Leatherman*
Shirt Pocket-extra medicine for the day if needed (pepto/advil/ect)
L Belt- Normally empty, Ka Bar or Mag-Lite as circumstances demand
Cargo pockets (TRAVEL ONLY)- Left: Gator Hat, Map Right: Aviators, food
*Unless I’m within sight of my house, I am never without these implements
7:18 AM- Realize how late it is. Grab helmet (bike or zem), check water bottles and lock bedroom door.
7:20 AM- Begin eating breakfast. Normally I eat powdered milk and bread with a nutella-like spread. Occasionally I have two eggs. Take doxycycline for Malaria.
7:35 AM- Check bike visually and manually for damage/wear. Put bike helmet on. Say goodbye to family.
7:53 AM- First religious experience of the day ends with arrival at CEG Davie for classes.
7:55 AM- Begin conversing with PCTs. Evaluate own level of sweat/mud/disheveledness, then others.
7:58ish AM- Trainer temporarily interrupts the ‘violently efficient’ Peace Corp Rumormill by clapping at PCTs to go to language class.
8:00 – 10:00 AM- Juiciest bits of gossip discussed in French or local language.
10:07 AM- Order baguette with avocado and tuna from sandwich lady. Regret not knowing the fon (local language) words for fish, no or avocado.
10:08 AM- Silently ponder the cesspool surrounding baguette stand.
10:09 AM- Eat while walking back to class in spite of Beninese traditions reserving this act only for children and fools.
10:15-12:30 PM- BOOBIES!... Er…Technical session regarding post-birth nutritional practices. Make foolishly child-like doodles and take notes on the side.
12:33 PM- Run hand through beard while muttering to never ever pay the 500F to the lady in the courtyard for her overpriced wares. Unless you have a 5000F bill that no one will break >:-[
12:40 PM- Arrive at Beans’N’Rice Shack frequented by TEFLers.
12:42- 1:07 PM Teach Madam Beans’N’Rice’s children to call the TEFLers humorous nicknames. Rhyme well to ensure longevity.
1:07 PM Flee irate TEFLers.
1:10 PM Return to CEG Davie for chatting before bus trip to secure, undisclosed location.
1:20 PM Begin loading bus to overcapacity. (Buses here are poorly maintained versions of the 5 row Churchvans that stopped being sold in the US because of rollover risk.) As a rule of thumb they are >25% overloaded. For a bus that can uncomfortably fit 15 we have ridden with 24.
1:21 PM Celebrate the fact that everyone fits.
1:21:15 Realize the bus is missing 5 people.
1:33 PM Last straggler arrives. Bus Departs.
1:35 PM Become aware of the nagging suspicion that the exhaust is venting directly into the cabin.
1:43 PM Realize not stealing the airsick bag from Air France was the worst mistake made since leaving the United States. Begin to search for alternatives.
1:50 PM Hypothetical evaluation of which stagier will forgive you for barfing on them.
1:55 PM Bus Arrives at Baby Weighing.
1:55:30 Feel immensely better in fresh air. It appears sickness has passed.
1:55:45 PM Vomit extensively in-front of administration, village elders, pregnant mothers and babies. All become rapidly and deeply concerned that the yovo boy is going to die.
1:56 PM Swear you’re feeling better. Be interrupted by dry heave.
2:03 PM Community gives an collection to buy Coca-Cola for infirm stagier.
2:07 PM Stagier feels much better, returns to baby weighing.
2:09 PM Mother looks oddly at stagier as he takes her first born for evaluation. He chooses to believe she is not debating which is more likely to spit up food on the other.
3:15 PM Baby Weighing over, Dance Party commences.
3:22 PM Brave (uninformed) stagiers play hand slapping games with local children while waiting for bus. (This is a country without the idea of TP usage. Think about that.) This stagier watches fecal matter/worms/amoebas pass back and forth.
3:45 PM Return to CEG Davie.
4:15 PM Dismissal, visit hardware store to buy un Coup-Coup (Machete) and Handsaw for a good price.
4:25 PM First Beninoise of the day at bar close to Davie (Beninoise = ~$1 for 60cl of generic light beer taste).
4:34 PM Curse Peace Corps Togo for having an ex-German colony (and thus better beer).
4:40 PM Realize beer is too expensive (1 bottle = 1/3 per diem). Supplement with smuggled vodka.
6:17 PM Debate relative practicality of taking zem with Coup-Coup in hand.
6:19 PM Resist urge to do Jack Sparrow impression while flying through the streets of Porto-Novo.
6:24 PM Arrive at second bar. Meet new PCVs who are posted near you. Allow them to buy you beer.
7:15 PM Explain to Maman that you’ll be a little late tonight.
8:27 PM Take zem home.
8:35 PM Feign sobriety, reassure Maman you didn’t drink too much.
8:36 PM Prove this by helping prepare dinner with the dullest knives ever. Be sassed by host sister.
9:03 PM Eat dinner. Be amazed by undamaged hands.
9:35 PM Brush teeth. Realize you forgot to knock the toothbrush. Continue.
9:41 PM Go to bed.
9:42:55 PM Think about cool things to cut with le coup coup.
9:43 PM Send panicked text message to vols asking if they have seen le coup coup.
9:47 PM Pass out.