The Perils of Local Celebrity

It is a truth of working as a Peace Corps volunteer that you will be an oddity in your village. This can be for many reasons, race, education, hygiene or the fact that you’re the spiffy new kid on the block with a sweet Chinese-made 18 speed. Regardless, people are well informed that a volunteer is en route due to the uproar that constantly rolls about them whenever they are not alone. The smaller, more isolated and poorer the community, the more exaggerated this effect, to the point where in the badlands it’s just bedlam. I'm like a Tinkerbell of reflective pigments and assumed wealth.
Much like the ubiquitous Baskin Robbins which I will not see for quite some time, there are different flavors to the response one can determine.
1. The Barney – This one is the most adorable, best described as one or two little kids who just start whooping excitedly as though their favorite cartoon hero had just descended from the clouds and started giving out high-fives and piggyback rides.
a. Vocalization- “Ba-TOOOU-Rea!” (repeat ad nauseam)
2. The Look What I Can Do- These are the same kids as the Barney but they’re not just excited to see you, they know some French and DAMN if they’re not going to make sure they know I have well appreciated their ability to say “Ca Va Bein” or “Bon Arrive”. These variants tend to assume pack behaviorisms, occasionally turning violent and turning their unrestrained emotion upon an unwary Mango tree or goat.
a. Vocalization- “Bon Arrive” (boy #1), “BON ARRIVE” (boy #2), “BON… ARRIVE…(boy #3) …this cycles on inexorably like popcorn in the kettle as I pedal furiously to escape before innocent flesh has been rendered from stem or haunch.
3. The Raise Both Hands Hello- This is the quietest of all of our encounters. Eyes lock, limbs soar in the air and sometimes we get a little bit of a head dip. Simple, but if you try to repeat it on a bicycle you’ll be nose deep in the gutter before you can say ‘Staph Infection’.
a. Vocalization-… (You’ll have to try this at home to get the real effect)
4. The Come Hither Whistle/Hiss- Traditionally employed only by the most couth of spoiled/stolen/useless goods salesmen and the most sober of zemijans. This is a firm indication that you want to cease your voyage IMMEDIATELY and go and see their expansive stock of sheep heads, ruined bike tires and smallpox blankets.
a. Vocalization- Whistle as though you’re a middle school phys ed teacher, the Hiss requires the teeth touching with a rapid expulsion of air (can be directed as accurately as a laser pointer).
5. Anything in English/Small Small- This normally indicates you’re being pursued by a Nigerian. Considering Nigerians are considerably craftier then their Beninese counterparts, its best to approach this encounter with a bit of restraint.
a. Vocalization- “Masta,” “PLEASE,” “Good Morning” and the ever descriptive “White Man.”
6. Wait, what is that? Is it coming this way? Oh dear God its flesh is so pale, TELL MA TO PUT THE BABY IN THE BASKET AND RUN- This isn’t normal. But whenever I wander outside my traditional area I occasionally see people that react this way. Normally they’re Peuhl (Fulani) youths who’ve never known anything beyond nomadically herding their cattle across the Sahel ranges. After one good look from my baby blue (i.e. devil) eyes will send a crowd of them stumbling in their plastic shoes back towards the herd.
a. Vocalization- Random screaming in Peuhl, impossible for humans to vocalize because the Peuhl come from outer space.

For All the Moms Back Home

Behind almost every Peace Corps volunteer is an extensive support network of friends and family who help you put your American life on hold for a few years while you sweat (or freeze) out in the wilds of (enter obscure location). Thus, it is fully appropriate to, on this day of mothers, give our thanks to those hardy individuals who begrudgingly let us flee to the Third World and help keep us here with support, love and single serving packets of spam. For the ladies that not only call Admin, but compel US Senators to do the same on our behalf; we simply, absolutely, completely could not do it without you.

I love you Mom. <3
-Dave